My Marriage: The Influence of My Family of Origin

As I reflect on my marriage, I cannot help but think about the influence of my family of origin. Growing up, my parents provided me with a strong foundation of love and support, but like most families, we were not without our challenges. And now that I am a spouse myself, I can see how these experiences have shaped the way I approach my own marriage.

First and foremost, my parents modeled what it means to be committed to a partner. Through thick and thin, my mom and dad worked together to build a life together, facing financial difficulties and personal struggles along the way. While they were not perfect, they always put each other first and made their relationship a priority. This has been a crucial lesson for me as I navigate my own marriage. I now understand that being in it for the long haul requires hard work and dedication, and I am grateful for the example set by my parents.

However, not all of the lessons I learned from my family of origin have been easy to apply in my marriage. For example, growing up, my parents rarely argued. They were always calm and collected, even in the face of conflict. While this may seem like a positive thing, I have found that it has made it difficult for me to express my own emotions in my marriage. I have had to work hard to learn how to communicate effectively, and to understand that disagreements are a natural part of any relationship.

Another challenge has been managing expectations. My parents set very high standards for themselves and for me, and while this has driven me to achieve great things in my life, it has also made it difficult to accept imperfection in myself and in my partner. I have had to learn how to let go of unrealistic expectations and to focus on what is truly important in my marriage.

Finally, my family of origin has influenced the way I approach conflict resolution. Growing up, my parents rarely addressed disagreements directly. Instead, they would talk around the issue until a solution was reached. While this may have worked for my parents, I have found that it is not an effective strategy for my marriage. Instead, I have had to learn how to be honest and direct when discussing problems with my partner, and to actively work towards resolution rather than simply avoiding confrontation.

Overall, my family of origin has had a significant impact on my marriage. While I am grateful for the lessons I have learned and the positive examples set by my parents, I have also had to overcome certain challenges and negative patterns that were ingrained in me from a young age. By recognizing and addressing these issues, I have been able to build a strong, healthy relationship with my spouse, one that is based on love, communication, and mutual respect.